soft.—noun. something that is soft or yielding; the soft part. —adjective. yielding readily to touch or pressure; easily penetrated, divided, or changed in shape; not hard or stiff.
powerhouse.—noun. a person, group, team, or the like, having great energy, strength, or potential for success.—noun. electricity. a generating station.
black woman.—proper noun. God’s co-creator of culture. birther and keeper of wounds and wonder; mess and magic; the extra ordinary and the extraordinary; the most potent intersection of spirit, race, and gender.
01. a re-imagining.
02.amazing + struggling.
How you doing? Hey just checking in. You good? I’m so blessed to have people in my life that send me random texts like this. So much genuine love, care, thought, and concern.
How nice of them. How fucking nice of them. FUCK.
How do I say I’m amazing and struggling at the same time?How do I explain that. To them. To myself.
I’m so over myself. Iyanla be a fix. Jesus be a fence. To keep me from sabotaging myself. I’m amazing + struggling at the same time.I’m working so hard to grow in sooooooo many areas. All at once. Part of me is struggling to believe I can keep up with all this growth and discovery.
But the other part of me is amazing. I can see myself. I can see how the ultimate version of me is shining, flowing, pivoting, attracting all the good/God things.
So why am I still struggling?I get it now. //
I’m not struggling.
The old me is struggling. The low me is struggling. That bitch is like --Hold up, you trying to get rid of me? I ain’t going nowhere. Oh, you think that amazing bitch can love you like I do? Naw, she ain’t real. She ain’t ready. She’s gonna leave your ass as soon as shit gets hard and then who’s gonna be there for you, huh? Who’s gonna help you sleep too much and shop too much and eat all the sugar and take all the shit from other struggling people? Not her, me. Me. I’m gonna help you do all that. And you know you like it. You love it. It’s cozy. It’s comfortable. It’s safe. It’s what we do.
So. Yeah.I get it now.
I’m amazing and struggling at the same time.
And that’s a good/God thing.
Because that means the old me is struggling to survive. Because she sees the new me thriving, being amazing. And she is fighting for her life.
And that’s the struggle. Isn’t that amazing?